From Sisterhood to Surrender: My Journey to Letting Go of Zeta

Here goes........

Spring 2006 - Florida State University

I became a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. in the Spring of 2006 at Florida State University—but the truth is, I never planned on joining a sorority. I wasn’t one of those legacy girls who dreamt of wearing royal blue and white.

Honestly, I was introduced to the idea of sorority life through a friend who was passionate about becoming a Delta. Her enthusiasm intrigued me, so I tagged along to interest meetings, including for Delta Sigma Theta and Alpha Kappa Alpha—but neither felt like a fit.

Then, another friend—who lived two floors down from me as a Resident Assistant (I was one too)—shared that she was waiting for Zeta to return to campus so she could follow in her grandmother’s footsteps.

Now, let me be real—I already knew I wasn’t a fit for the other sororities. The vibe, the energy, the way they carried themselves—it just wasn’t me.

But this friend? She was down-to-earth, cool, and just felt real—the kind of person I naturally gravitated toward. So when I saw how much she wanted Zeta, I figured, If this is the kind of woman Zeta attracts, maybe that’s where I belong too.

It wasn’t about the legacy, the colors, or the letters. It was about the people.

And just like that, I was in.

The Journey In: More About the Thrill Than the Sisterhood

I was so excited! Couldn't tell me NOTHING!

Zeta had been suspended from Florida State for about six years due to hazing, and no one knew if or when it would return. Then one day, I saw a Facebook post: “Zeta Returns.”

That was it. No deep reflection, no long-standing dream—just an opportunity that seemed exciting. I ran to tell my RA friend, and before I knew it, we were on the path to becoming members of Zeta Phi Beta.

For her, it was intentional, personal, and tied to her family legacy.

For me, it was about being a part of something that meant a lot to someone I cared about.

Our process was unique. Since there were no undergraduate members on campus, our intake was led by graduate chapter women—many in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s. There was no hazing, no underground process—just paperwork, interviews, and grades.

Simple, right?

Well, not really.

Because then I learned what it meant to be called "paper."

The Shift: When Sisterhood Didn’t Feel Like Sisterhood

For those unfamiliar, "paper" is a term used to devalue members who didn’t go through the traditional pledging process. The idea is that if you didn’t “earn” your way in the way others did, you weren’t really part of the sisterhood.

As a 19-year-old, proving myself to members that came prior to me seemed important.

As a 38-year-old woman, I now ask myself: Why did 25+ year-olds even care about what was happening on a college campus?

At 23, I was married, had a government job, and owned a home—I wouldn’t have had the time or energy to care about undergrads proving themselves. But back then, the pressure was real.

And this is when Zeta changed for me.

What was supposed to be about sisterhood, service, and empowerment became an environment of division, negativity, and immaturity. As it relates to my line and "proving ourselves":

💙 Some of us were "down" for it.

💙 Some were left out of the loop.

💙 Some (the smartest ones, in hindsight) wanted no part of it.

And no matter what we did, said, or tried to prove—at the end of the day (to them), we were still “paper.”

Still not enough.

Still unworthy.

The Cycle Repeats

Despite my experience(s), I later became Chapter President and Dean of the next line because I wanted them to have a better experience. I wanted them to feel like “them girls.”

And they were.

💙 Beautiful.

💙 Smart.

💙 Outspoken.

But looking back, the same cycles still played out. The same negativity... the same mistreatment... the same CRAP.

When I left Florida State, I realized that my connection to Zeta was only strong because of my line sisters—not because of the organization itself.

Weddings.

Babies.

Promotions.

We stayed in touch, and to this day, I’d drop everything if one of them needed me.

But Zeta as an institution?

I was done.

Been done, really.

The Breaking Point: Why I’m Writing This Now

Weirdly, I never talked about being a member publicly because something started disassociating a long time ago.

Next year, my line will hit its 20-year anniversary, and I’ve been reflecting.

I think about:

🔹 All the rituals, chants, and oaths I took—things that don’t align with my walk with Christ.

🔹 The words we sang: “All of my love, my peace, and happiness… I’m going to give it to Zeta.” (Idolatry at its core.)

🔹 How our history of oppression as Black people still shows up in Greek initiation processes—the abuse...the division...

🔹 The lives lost because people just wanted to belong.

🔹 The division within the Divine 9—how even among us, we create separation instead of unity.

🔹 My own experience(s)—the things I won’t disclose out of respect for my line—but the ones that still shaped me.

But more than all of that, I’ve been thinking about one thing:

Nothing will ever compete with my love for and walk with Christ.

So, I Took Action.

Gathering everything to ship to Zeta Headquarters.

Some people say:

“You don’t have to be active, just walk away.”

But I needed to make a statement to God. I needed Him to know where I stand.

📦 So last week, I shipped off everything.

✍🏾 My notarized renouncement paperwork.

👕 My paraphernalia.

📖 My handbooks.

🚫 My attachment to something that no longer aligns with my faith.

And let me tell you—that felt amazing. Freeing to say the least.

Where I Am Now

I’m a wife and mom now. And while I won’t make the Greek life decision for my children, they will know where their mother stands.

They will know:

🔹 I put Christ over culture.

🔹 I choose obedience over tradition.

🔹 I am building a new kind of community—one rooted in faith, not in letters.

I know not everyone will understand my decision.

I know some may be offended, hurt, or confused.

And I am ready for everyone that may feel the need to defend their organization.

But I stand on this truth:

“Choose this day whom you will serve… but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” — Joshua 24:15

And that is where it counts.

Final Words

If you’ve been feeling uneasy about something you’re connected to… seek God.

Ask:

🙏🏾 “God, does this honor You?”

🙏🏾 “Is this where You want me?”

And if the answer is no… walk away.

Simple.

Because nothing is worth more than your faith.